Workplace

There are so many ways to apologize, it’s a wonder why people so seldom use them. For some reason, certain individuals refuse to say they are sorry for anything. It is as though they were giving up the deed to their house. I shake my head in disbelief that something so simple and so helpful to business relationships can be so underutilized.

You’d think that we only have a limited number of “I’m sorry(s)” in our vocabulary. Last time I checked, it was next to impossible to run out of words. Why then is this healing phrase so limited?

For many people it seems as though saying “I’m sorry” is akin to saying, “I’m wrong.” Mistakes are human and when one makes an error which unintentionally injures another, the polite thing to do is to apologize. Look, if you stepped on a stranger’s toes, you’d say, “Oops, I’m so sorry,” but if you say or do something that rubs your teammate the wrong way, are you as forthcoming with offering amends?

Usually, it’s not the fact that a person is unwilling or unable to apologize, it’s the attitude that goes with it. Dealing with a person who has to be right all the time can be burdensome –for both parties. Confronting the unapologetic individual’s insecurity or pride in a non-threatening way may prove to be helpful in having him or her recognize this uncomfortable behavior pattern.

Saying something like, “Have you ever noticed that saying ‘I’m sorry’ is a bit difficult for you?” can begin to shed some light on the issue.

The problem with not being able to express remorse to a teammate is that they will start to feel that you don’t care about them. Trust me, we all say and do stupid things (I personally have a master’s degree in this). If we are unwilling to show that we regret inappropriate behavior, or that we are willing to take responsibility for our errors, it reflects poorly on our values as a person and as a team member.

There are numerous ways to express your heartfelt sorrow without groveling or making you feel that you are compromising your integrity. Here are a few fun phrases that can help you say what you mean without feeling like a complete idiot:

“Sorry, for a moment I was taken over by aliens.”
“I don’t know what I was thinking, my brain froze. I apologize.”
“Oh my God forgive me, I just turned into my mother.”

As long as it’s not overused, apologizing with a little self-deprecating humor can prevent some of the onus that may come from this valuable act of contrition. But if all your apologies are out of an episode of “Seinfeld,” then you may not get the response you were looking for. In addition, it is wise to remember that actions always speak louder than words.

So the next time you put your foot in your mouth, show that you’re not a heel and make an apology that comes from your soul. It will be a big step forward in all your relationships, both business and personal.

Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., is a speaker and business consultant, nationally syndicated author and radio talk show host. He presents to numerous companies and leaders worldwide. He can be contacted at www.BartonGoldsmith.com.