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By John Bourke
The mere mention of the word
"confrontation" conjures up images of strife, anxiety, upset,
argumentative and defensive encounters, and a host of other, less than
pleasant, imaginings. It is no wonder that many of us would rather cope
with broken promises, violated expectations or bad behaviors than
address them. We tend to perform "backwards math" when deciding what
issues we should confront and which ones we shouldn't - calculating all
of the reasons that we shouldn't engage without adequate consideration
of the deleterious consequences we are already living with. We justify
our silence (withdrawing, avoiding or masking) or violence (labeling,
controlling or attacking) using the following equation for measuring
performance:
Results = No Results + Clever Story
It is as if we become complacent with substandard performance and
results as long as we can justify our mediocrity with a clever story.
Countless individuals in organizations around the world are permitted
each day to slip beneath the performance radar shrouded in a
stealth-like veil of "yeah buts...", excuses, justifications and
sellouts.
Over 10,000 hours of research on the topic of performance by VitalSmarts
has taught us that the best performers (individuals, teams and
organizations) are those that regularly confront broken promises,
violated expectations and bad behavior with respect and complete candor.
"Crucial Confrontations: Tools for Resolving Broken Promises, Violated
Expectations and Bad Behavior," the NY Times, Wall Street Journal best
seller, provides a proven step-by-step process for enhancing
accountability, improving performance, and ensuring execution. Are you
aware of high stakes performance issues that adversely effect results,
hamper collaboration or diminish the effective use of employee's
discretionary effort? The process, depicted in the graphic, outlines key
steps to be taken before, during and after a Crucial Confrontation.
Learn
to Handle Broken Promises, Violated Expectations and Bad Behavior
What issues are getting in the way of achieving the great results your
organization wants?
 Consider the broken promises, violated expectations,
and bad behavior that are the root cause of stalled performance, weak
accountability, and anemic productivity. When these issues aren't dealt
with, they become chronic. But when you identify the "gaps" between what
you expect and the results you're getting, you're poised to do something
about the chronic problems that keep your organization stuck. Based on
over 10,000 hours of in-the trenches observations, it is clear that
organizations that identify the Crucial Confrontations that are keeping
them stuck and consistently confront them well realize performance
improvements of 20-50 percent (pick nearly any area to measure).
Every Problem Has a Solution
Does your organization suffer from any of the following?
• Confrontation is viewed as unprofessional or rude. People are afraid
to speak up.
• People don't keep their commitments.
• "Work-arounds" and micromanagement abound.
• Management teams under-perform.
• You're undergoing rapid change and your people are not adopting the
desired behaviors (based on a recent merger or acquisition, significant
management change, radical market shifts, or corporate restructuring).
• People work below their potential or are constantly focused on the
wrong target.
• Teams act more like competitors than partners.
• Your benchmarks on quality, productivity, safety, time-to market,
yield, or costs chronically lag market standards.
Where Do You Stand?
To assess how "Crucial Confrontations: Tools for Resolving Broken
Promises, Violated Expectations and Bad Behavior" can best serve your
needs, candidly review the following statements. Place a check next to
each statement that applies to you. The following questions explore how
you typically respond when you're in the middle of a stressful
situation. The full assessment can be found in Chapter 1 of the book.
Next, review the Quick Tips associated with the items checked to gain
clarity on your solution.
Choose What and If
If your solution to a performance issue is not getting you the results
that you want, if you find yourself discussing the same issue over and
over again or you're getting increasingly upset you are working on the
wrong problem. Check all that apply:
1. To avoid getting into an argument, I tend to put off certain
discussions longer than I should.
2. Sometimes when people disappoint or bother me, I confront them
only to realize that I talked about the easy problem, but not the real
root problem.
3. Occasionally I talk myself out of holding a certain discussion
by convincing myself it's better to cope than it is to risk an ugly
confrontation.
Master My Stories
Before opening your mouth get your head straight by
considering all of the possible sources of influence at play.
4. When others don't deliver on a promise, there are times when I
judge their reasons for doing so more quickly than I should.
5. There are times when I've totally blamed others for a problem
only to learn that I was partially responsible.
Describe the Gap
Manage
the hazardous half-minute at the outset of your Crucial Confrontation by
taking steps to make it safe for others to hear your concerns.
6.
Sometimes I bring up problems in a way that makes others defensive.
7. There are times when I can't figure out how to give others
completely honest feedback in a way that won't offend them.
Make It
Motivating
Utilize the power of natural consequences to motivate others
to align their performance with the desired results.
8. In order to get people to want to do certain things, sometimes
I rely on guilt or even threats.
9. There are people I routinely deal with who, to be honest, just
can't be motivated.
10. Sometimes it's hard to get others to understand that the
behavior I want from them is really in their best interest.
Make It Easy
Ensure that the desired result will be achieved by jointly removing any
ability barriers.
11. When someone can't do something, I tend to jump in with my
advice, when all they really want is a chance to talk about their ideas.
12. There are times when I've asked others for their ideas but
didn't really need them because I already had a plan of my own.
Stay
Focused and Flexible
Be on the lookout for new problems that may arise
to ensure that focus is maintained and the key issues get addressed. Be
flexible, stepping out of content when safety becomes at risk. Make it
safe and then return to the content.
13. When talking to others about problems, sometimes I get
sidetracked and miss the original problem.
14. When people bring up whole new problems during a crucial
confrontation, I don't know what to do with the new issue.
15. I'm pretty good at staying focused on an issue, but
occasionally may miss talking about what the other person really wants
to discuss.
Move to Action
Always conclude a Crucial Confrontation by
deciding: Who? Does what? By when? How will we follow-up?
16. Sometimes I work through a problem but forget to clarify who is
supposed to do what by when.
17. I'm pretty sure that either my kids, my spouse, or some of
the people I work with think I micromanage them.
18. There are times when I'm disappointed with what others have
done because they have failed to understand exactly what I wanted them
to do.
Quick Tips
Choose What and If (Questions 1-3)
• Ask yourself what you really want - This is an ecological question
that has three subparts (all of which must be addressed - lest you pay a
hefty price). What do you really want for you, the other people
involved, and for the relationships that connect you? What you really
want is intended to focus your thinking on your greater purpose as
opposed to your reactive strategy.
• Un-bundle the Issue using CPR
- Because of the high stakes and the
existence of a failed expectation, confrontations are usually laced with
strong emotions. It becomes important to un-bundle the issue to ensure
that you address the right problem. CPR is an acronym that stands for
Content, Pattern and Relationship.
• Content - If it's the first occurrence of a dropped accountability
hold a Content conversation that simply reviews what was expected
compared to what was delivered and end with a question. "We agreed you
would have the report on my desk by noon and it's now 2:00 p.m.. What
happened?
• Pattern - When the problem reoccurs for a second or third time
factually address the pattern, share your concern and end with a
question. "Yesterday we spoke about the problems created when you do not
submit your work on time. I expected today's data from you two hours
ago. I am concerned that this pattern is indicating an underlying
problem that we may not have addressed yet. Can we talk about this now?"
• Relationship - Sometimes the level of trust is adversely affected when
expectations are not upheld. When diminished trust interferes with the
relationship and results suffer, shift your focus from Content and
Pattern to Relationship. Share the facts; reveal your reasonable
conclusions and concerns for the vitality of the ongoing relationship;
and follow-up with a heartfelt question asking how they see things. Here
you are attempting to corroborate the gap in expectations and to
complete the picture with a well-rounded view of the truth. "Can we
speak about a concern I am having about how we work together? When you
make promises (share the facts regarding the missing data) and then
don't make good on them (share 2-3 recent occasions using facts) it
makes it hard for me to trust you. If I can't count on your word I can't
comfortably keep you on key projects. Can we talk...?
• Distill the Issue to One Sentence - If you can't state the problem in
one sentence you are probably not ready to discuss the issue.
Master My
Stories (Questions 4-5)
• Avoid the Fundamental Attribution Error - When others do not live up
to our expectations there is an overwhelming tendency to succumb to the
"fundamental attribution error" and assign their selfish motives as the
sole source of the problem. Although this is a real consideration, it is
rarely the only influence at play. Successful leaders explore other
influences to ensure that the problem really gets resolved.
• Consider Six Sources of Potential Influence - When fa cing a Crucial
Confrontation it is essential that we enter the dialogue with our
stories and biases in check. To help expand our view of human behavior,
we've organized the potential root causes of all behavior (including
failed promises) into a model that contains six cells (see graphic
above). In order to take the required action (live up to an
expectation), the person must be both motivated (willing) and able. Each
of these two elements is affected at three levels of influence:
Personal, Social, and Structural.
Motivation - Ask these questions to
gain insight into the prevailing motivations:
• Personal (Feel pleasure and congruence?) - Does the person enjoy the
action independent of how others think or feel?
• Social (What is the impact of/on others?) - Is the other person being
influenced by peers, the boss, customers, family, or for that matter, by
any other human being?
• Structural (What things reward?) - Do incentives, perks or rewards
induce behaviors that are misaligned with the desired results?
Ability -
Ask these questions to gain insight into the prevailing ability
barriers:
• Personal (Have skills and knowledge?) - Does the person have the
skills required to do the task?
• Social (Do others help?) - Do coworkers provide the individual with
the tools, information or help necessary to complete their job?
• Structural (What things enable?) - Are their physical barriers,
inconveniences, unwieldy bureaucracy, or red tape that hinder task
completion?
Describe the Gap (Questions 6-7)
• Start with Safety - When we choose to view a confrontation as an
adversarial encounter, adrenaline kicks in and we unconsciously direct
energy toward either watering-down the content of the message or
resorting to power and force. Both of these approaches have been proven
to be unsustainable and ineffective. In the hazardous half-minute that
lies at the outset of every Crucial Confrontation focus all of your
attention and energy on making it safe for the other person to hear the
message.
• Ask for permission - Begin by asking if it is alright to bring up a
topic of concern.
• Share your good intention - Clarify that you have their best intention
at heart (and really mean it).
• Establish Mutual Purpose - Listen for what is important to the other
person and carry it with dignified regard as you also share your purpose
for the conversation. Make it clear that you care about what is
important to them. (ex. "Jim, you want to work on projects that align
with your developmental goals. Is that right? That's important to me and
the team as well. I also want to ensure that every project has the right
mix of competency and capability to succeed. Can we talk about ways to
achieve both?").
• Share your Path - Starting with the facts, share your story in a way
that establishes you as a reasonable and fair person who is invested in
what's best for all concerns.
• End with a Question - Always end with a question to permit space for
the other person to connect with the gap and offer more information.
Make It Motivating (Questions 8-10)
• Link to Existing Values (Self) - Remembering the sources of influence
that we explored earlier, connect the consequences of the violated
expectation with the individual's sense of self.
• Make the Invisible Visible (Others) - Surface hidden victims affected
by the non-aligned behavior. Help by shedding light on the adverse
natural consequences of not keeping agreements. Also connect positive
consequences associated with the preferred behavior.
• Connect Short-Term Benefits with Long-Term Pain (Things) - Clarify how
the unwanted behavior is misaligned with what the organization intends
to reward.
Make It Easy (Questions 11-12)
• Jointly Explore Ability Barriers - Partner with the individual to make
sure that all ability barriers to performance are removed.
• Brainstorm all possible solutions - Start by asking for their ideas
first and continue brainstorming until several ideas are on the table
before landing on a solution.
• Decide Who? Does What? By When? Follow-up!
Stay Focused and Flexible
(Questions 13-15)
• Be flexible
• Note new problems
• Select the right problem: the original problem, the new one, or both
• Resolve the new problem and return to the original issue
• Be focused • Deal with problems one at a time
• Consciously choose to deal with new issues, don't allow them to be
forced upon you
Move to Action (Questions 16-18)
• End Strong - Remember to explicitly address: Who? Does What? By When?
Establish how you will follow-up.
Are you ready to hold a confrontation that has been keeping you from
something you really care about? To give your skill set another boost
join us at the IAAM International Conference in Washington D.C. for a
live presentation by John Bourke on July 16, 2005 from 8:30-10:45 AM.
See you there!
John Bourke
is founder of Bourke & Associates based in Dallas, TX. He may be reached
at john@bourkeassociates.com. |
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