Workplace

By John Bourke

Today’s communication technology offers an astounding array of tools to remain connected across time and space. But when it comes to resolving broken promises, violated expectations or bad behavior, resorting to hi-tech methods (e-mailing, text messaging, instant messaging, blogging) can amplify our problems – especially when confronting a peer, manager or subordinate at work.

According to a recent VitalSmarts survey, more than 87% of those polled admit using hi-tech means to resolve a workplace confrontation is not effective. Moreover, 89% say e-mail, text messaging, and voice mail can get in the way of good workplace relationships.

For example, a subordinate fails to deliver their part of a critical assignment in time to meet the drop-dead date and leaves an email (after the fact) stating that “stuff happens.” A colleague responds to your email about possible ethical ramifications of a joint initiative by “blind copying” both his boss and yours.

Technology has the heightened potential to lead reasonable, rational and decent people down the path of innuendo, supposition and inference until they author the best email that they will ever live to regret!

When you type it instead of talking it out you are more likely to end up acting it out. Survey respondents cited convenience as a main reason for using hi-tech means when confronting a co-worker or subordinate. However, people should think twice before pushing the "send" button and consider what they want long term for themselves, others and the vitality of the relationship – even if the way to get there isn't always the easiest.

Analyze This
What follows are excerpts from an actual email exchange between two senior level managers (one in business development and the other in finance). The basic issue centers around a question on an expense statement. Can you see what went wrong? Note at least three contributors to the evolving quagmire:

From: Jack (Director of Finance) To: Karla (Director of Business Development)

Karla:
I got your expense report with a $500 charge for “Cell phone charges for Jan-May 2002”. On the report was a note that there was a “deal” that you are entitled to $100/month for cell phone usage without any receipts necessary.

I've asked both our CEO and HR Director if they were aware of any deal - and both said they were not.

Toward that end, without prior approval, we are going to have to deny these charges.

In addition, especially with all of the inexpensive call plans that are out there, $100/month for someone who doesn’t travel that much seems excessive.

As a member of management, I know you are aware of how important it is that we all follow policy. As a result, I’m going to be sending this report back to you, and ask that you either document the cell phone usage (and approval) - or take it off of the report.

If you have any questions, please let me know...

Jack
Director of Finance

What went wrong here? To begin to answer that question place yourself in Karla’s shoes and place a check everywhere you would tend to become defensive. The phrases you have checked likely represent places where you tended to doubt that the other person had your best intentions at heart.

Tip #1:

When sharing information that you suspect will stir a defensive reaction – do it face-to-face. When discussing such issues “live” you can minimize defensiveness by asking for permission and then stating your positive intent up-front. It might sound like this:

“Karla, I have a question about an agreement that you referenced on your recent expense statement around cell phone usage. Do you have a moment? I want to make sure that we promptly get you reimbursed and follow protocol on honoring policy variations. Please know that I am not questioning what you were told – instead I want to make sure that what you were told is something that you can count on with certainty as you manage your monthly budget.”

Tip #2:

Remember before pushing the “send” button to focus on what you really want for you, the other parties involved and the long-term vitality of the relationships that connect you. Use face-to- face interaction when relationships weigh in the balance and choose the right confrontation with the right audience. Use CPR (Content, Pattern, Relationship) to help you decide! If it is a first time occurrence hold a Content-level conversation that deals with getting your curious questions answered. If this represents a recurring issue perhaps you have identified a Pattern that concerns you. If this pattern has resulted in a deterioration of trust that affects the way you work with this person hold a Relationship–level conversation. So, instead of going to the CEO and HR Director first, Jack could have had a Content-level conversation with Karla first to get his questions answered. He could have then had Karla’s cooperation in formalizing this agreement with the CEO or HR Director (whoever offered Karla the policy exception).

Tip #3:

Master your ugly stories before taking action (virtually or in person). Do you get the sense that Jack had already held court in his head and judged Karla as less than professional, extravagant and presumptuous? Do you think Karla could read these potential sentiments between the lines? Let’s see Karla’s response to Jack to see how you did in diagnosing the hot spots:

From: Karla (Director of Business Development)
To: Jack (Director of Finance) Jack:

Why would you ask the CEO and HR Director before you asked me? You probably have the entire travel policy available to append to your rejection notices; however, it’s not necessary to send terms and conditions to me. I am not policy-dumb!

I expect these charges to be reimbursed! Is that clear? Furthermore whether I travel outside the metroplex area or not is not relevant to this discussion/arrangement. Local calls and long distance are all charged at the same fee structure. I don’t appreciate your judgmental appraisal of what my job should or shouldn’t entail! By the way, I have inherited Paul’s old phone and have no idea what the calling plan offers. You gave me the phone because you were too cheap to provide me with a new one – remember?

Finally, please do not lecture me on my responsibilities to management. Question me? Yes! Challenge me? Yes! Argue with me? Yes! Teach me? Yes! Help me? Yes. Lecture me? Please, no!
So Jack, when may I expect the reimbursement?

Karla
Director of Business Development

From Hand-Helds to Hand-Holding

For those of you not ready to be weaned from your hand-held devices here are a few tips:

1. Attempt to minimize use of e-communication for initiating or continuing discussions around important issues.

2. Try using e-communication for clarifying or documenting existing agreements or understandings.

3. Use e-communication for scheduling appointments to talk about important concerns face-to-face.

4. Avoid the use of hot-words both virtually and in-person. When you are tempted to say: “You idiot! You breached our email security by providing our access code to a client!” try this email instead: “Can we talk about a concern I have around your choice to share the access code with our client? When might be the best time to meet for 15 minutes today?” Once face-to-face you will still do well to avoid the words “idiot” and “breach.”

That’s all for this issue. Please share your email nightmares and successes with me at john@bourkeassociates.com.

About Bourke & Associates: As innovators in best practice facilitation, coaching, training and strategic planning services, John Bourke of Bourke & Associates is a frequent contributor to Facility Manager and the lead consultant for IAAM’s ongoing strategic planning initiative. Bourke & Associates has helped thousands of organizations with their facilitation, planning and coaching engagements. Through their work with The New York Times and Wall Street Journal Best Sellers, Crucial Conversations and Crucial Confrontations, they have been instrumental in helping over 300 Fortune 500 organizations realize quick, hard-hitting results. Their award-winning training programs use a method that no other training company yet offers. Bourke & Associates currently has two training initiatives: Crucial Conversations® and Crucial Confrontations™. www.bourkeassociates.com